


The Infinite Path of Redemption

by SlytherinsHeiress98



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Loss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Control, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Post-Recovery Bucky Barnes, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Recovery, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 11:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinsHeiress98/pseuds/SlytherinsHeiress98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Post mid-credit scene - Civil War spoilers) Steve Rogers is desperately seeking for help. There must be a way to undo every single thing Hydra did to Bucky. Dr. Kiara Martin might be the answer to his prayers. But what will it take Kiara to unfold the massively tangled mess that is the brain of the former Winter Soldier? Will she be able to bring the old James Buchanan Barnes back and finally free him from the haunt of his past?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wake Me When It's Over

Longing

 

Rusted

 

_No._

 

Furnace

 

Daybreak

 

_Please, stop._

 

Seventeen

 

Benign

 

_Not again._

 

Nine

 

Homecoming

 

_Oh, God._

 

One

 

Freight car.

 

_Help!_

* * *

A knock on Kiara’s door woke her up, early in the morning of the nineteenth of May. Grunting she got up, her light brown curls tangled with one another. Begrudgingly she made her way to answer the door. "I'm coming!" she let out a feeble cry of exhaustion as the doorbell wouldn't stop ringing. She had been up working until late hours of the night on some new technique that used the gene editing system to rapidly identify gene variants. Or in mortal words, boring geneticist stuff. Working on her PhD on genetics had been a little bit harder than she had thought. So she had had few hours of sleep and was feeling slightly shitty and not up to unwanted guests so early in the morning.

"Kiara! I'm so glad you still live here." Kiara felt a heavy weight surrounding her shoulders as soon as she opened the door, she stood still until it ceased and sighed when it was over. The blond guy on her doorstep stopped hugging her and instead put his arms on her shoulders. "It's been a while I know."

"I'm counting four years, Steve" Kiara stated huffing her hair off her face. 

"C'mon, Kiara. Not if we count that time two years ago when I visited you, remember?" Steve fidgeted with his hands, a way too childish way to show nervousness for a man that size.

"Oh, right! How could I have forgotten that Captain America doesn't pop up to say hi every few months like normal friends do." Kiara said unfazed, already used to Steve barging on her door only when he was in trouble and needed help.

Steve looked down to his feet, obviously embarrassed by her hurtful -although true- comments. "I'm sorry, Kiara. You know how things have been lately." Kiara shrugged off his apology and stepped to the side to let him in her apartment, stifling a yawn and slighty stretching her arms in the process. 

"Wanna cup of coffee?" Kiara made way to her kitchen, and put the kettle on the stove top, not waiting for the Captain's answer. "What is it Steve?" She asked, crossing her arms above her chest when she saw his worried and -more than usual- quiet look. 

"I suppose you've seen the news." Steve turned around as if pointing to her tv. Of course she had, 'The Winter Soldier bombs UN assembly' had been on every damn news show, paper or article for the past few days. Even thought she kept it to herself, she had been thinking about Steve. Wondering how he'd been. Seeing his 'friend' Bucky again, after almost two years. 

"Is it about Barnes?” Steve nodded and Kiara sighed. She knew about Sergeant Barnes. Not only was Kiara getting a PhD in genetics, she also was a psychiatrist. And she also had been Steve Rogers' caretaker when he woke up after being frozen for 70 years. By now, they knew each other to some extent, and had even become friends of sorts.

Kiara worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. as a therapist for 'on the field' agents that had suffered from distress and anxiety after particularly hard missions. She would see her patients regularly, following a usual PTSD treatment. Although Captain America was a whole different matter. 

Having Steve as a patient was hard, to say the least. Not only was she responsible for getting him used to his new enviroment -making sure he wouldn't have any breakdowns in this so unknown to him surroundings- she also was his counselor.  S.H.I.E.L.D wanted to make sure everything was on check with their newly acquired soldier. Well, 'new' wasn't the word she'd use.

He had many regrets. One of his biggest ones, was Bucky. Steve felt deeply guilty for what had happened to his best friend and pal. He was never truly able to forgive himself for it and continued to mourn him, until he found out he was alive.

Obviously Kiara came to his aid once more, after a while of not having heard from him. They went through everything again, and yet Steve kept blaming himself for everything that had happened to Bucky. So when she heard the news on the bombing incident, she knew it wouldn't be long before Captain America did something he wasn't supposed to. James Barnes was Steve's Achilles' heel and Kiara knew how much it could affect Rogers anything related with the sergeant. 

"Yes, Kiara. And I really, really need your help." He stepped closer to her, his hand on her shoulder. He looked firmly into her chocolate eyes and she gave in, not being able to deny help to a friend. 

"What do we have to do?" She sighed and the corners of her mouth tugged forming a small smile.

"Have you ever been to Wakanda?"

* * *

 

Kiara walked into the facility a few steps behind Steve. She tried a little too hard to keep up with him, completely exhausted from the flight and the lack of sleep from the night before. 

"Steve, would you be so kind to remind me where we are again?” Kiara nearly tripped with her suitcase as she dragged it along a white corridor. She felt a blush creeping through her cheeks and instinctively looked over her shoulder just to see if anyone saw her clumsiness display. Obviously nobody did as Steve and her were the only ones roaming the place.

“We are in the middle of the Wakandan jungle.” Steve said as a matter of fact. Kiara internally rolled her eyes and huffed. 'Well, thanks for the details. Captain Obvious.' She thought. And right after shook her head as if dismissing what she had just said in her mind.

“Alright, then.” Kiara looked to her right, the whole wall of the hallway was covered in glass. Indeed, the building was surrounded by trees as tall as skyscrapers. Oddly, it made her feel like she was in New York. Shadowed by the enormous figures that casted the treetops above the facility.

While enjoying the view, she didn't realize the Captain had come to a halt until she bumped into his back. Needless to say, she found herself nearly in the floor if it wasn't for Steve's quick reflexes that caught her mid-fall.

“Sorry about that, Kiara. You okay?” He asked with his big hands on her small frame. “It's nothing, Steve. I was distracted, I guess.” Kiara smiled and took a glance up Steve's shoulder.

Her eyes met with white double doors. She quirked an eyebrow at Steve and he turned around to see what she was so curious about. “Oh, yes. This is it. This is where all of us are staying.” Steve stated as his hand brushed the handle of the door.

“When you say 'all of us' you mean?..” Kiara was cut off as Steve opened the door and was greeted by an incomplete Avengers team sitting at a white table. ‘What is it with the slight obsession with white?' Kiara couldn't help but think while a smiling Clint Barton made his way to greet her.

“Kiara! It's been a while.” Barton opened his arms to her and she just stood kind of still as if waiting for him to get over with it quickly. He eyed her with suspicion but hugged her anyways. A tight, bone-crushing hug. Kiara simply humphed as the air left her lungs momentarily and couldn't contain a chuckle as Clint released her.

“Well, Mr. Barton. If I knew you'd greet me like this after so long, I would've kept in contact.” Kiara gave him a warm smile, one that almost reached her chocolate eyes. Kiara having treated Barton was familiar with him, and felt relieved that she would at least see a friendly face on her time in Wakanda. By far, Clint Barton was the only S.H.I.E.L.D agent who acknowledged having received her treatment. Even though she had seen every single agent at least once in her consultory.

"Lemme introduce you to everybody." Steve put a hand on the small of her back and led her closer to the table where the rest of the folks where sitting. Of course she already knew them, having been the protagonists of the news so often that she felt like they were close friends.

"This is Wanda, you know Sam." Kiara acknowledged them both as a brunette with heavy dark circles and the Cap's best friend smiled feebly at her.

"This is Scott, our newest asset." Steve pointed with his head to the only guy Kiara didn't recognize. He got up from his seat and extended his hand towards her. "I'm pretty sure there's a context where that means 'friend'." Scott said as Kiara shook his hand, a giggle leaving her mouth.

"And well, I believe you know this man. He's the one who authorized me to bring you here." A tall, dark man rose from his seat at the head of the table. "Your majesty." Kiara bowed to the Wakanda king, T'Challa. The man simply smiled and slightly shook his head. "No need for formalities. You may call me, T'Challa. I believe you are Dr. Kiara Martin" He said as he took Kiara's hand on his own and placed a small kiss on it. "Yes, I am. Thank you again, for having me, by the way." She said gingerly as she pulled back her hand to her side, a light blush on her cheeks. Her light complexion not helping. Needless to say, Kiara Martin didn't like being the center of attention. There was a reason she treated other's well-beings for a living.

Everybody seemed to resume their conversations with each other, leaving Kiara standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. She turned her head slightly to the right to see what Steve was doing, not wanting to pry on whatever it was. She caught a glance of him speaking intently to the king, she immediately draw her head back so they wouldn't notice.

Kiara couldn't help but wonder if she was really needed here, she felt so out of place. She felt even more ordinary among this extraordinary people who just saved the world every few months. Kiara was snapped out of her thoughts by a masculine voice. "Hey, earth to Kiara." Steve put a hand on her shoulder, a gesture that he would do often to make sure everything was okay.

"C'mon, you can leave your stuff here. We will come back for it later, I want you to see this." Steve walked out of the 'living room' if you could call it that. He stood in front of a steel door that had a retinal and finger scan and a password. 'A little too much' Kiara thought, but she wasn't really in the position to judge the security meassures. The door slid open, revealing this lab-like room, medical equipment scattered all over the place. A few beeping machines over one corner, some cabinets with medical supplies. An operating table of sorts, and right in the middle of the room. A cryogenic freezing pod. Kiara gasped unintentionally and before she noticed her hand was over her mouth.

Inside the pod was none other than James Buchanan Barnes. She raised her eyebrows, wondering why on earth would he want to go back to that state. One that surely would bring the most horrible of nightmares to anyone else.

She didn't know the Winter Soldier had gone 'hybernating mode' again; she turned around to look at Steve with a cocked eyebrow at him. "I believe you could've mention this really small detail." Kiara added while running her hand cautiously over the cold surface of the pod. 

"I didn't want you to get yourself ahead of things." Steve shrugged and scratched the nape of his neck. "Bucky believed this was the best thing we could do until we found out how to undo everything Hydra messed up with in his brain." The Captain moved around the heart rate monitor and rested his back slightly over the medical supplies cabinet.

"Are you ready to start, Dr Martin?" Steve looked up at her with hopeful blue eyes.

"Let's wake him up, Captain Rogers." 


	2. A Shrink for the Mad Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wakes up once again from cryogenic freezing. Just not under the circumstances he would've expected. First impressions and disagreements are inevitable.

"Sergeant Barnes." A muffled voice calling him was all he could hear, it was distant and distorted, as if he was listening to it in deep water. "Maybe he doesn't answer to that anymore." Said the voice again, as if talking to itself. He tried to pry his eyes open, fatigue making it harder for him to actually glance around where he was.

He could discern certain things. A blinding white light, right above of him. Lab coats, a heart rate monitor, several monitors beeping around him. ' _No, not again!'_

Bucky shot up from where he was lying, thrashing around him, trying to get free and run away from wherever he was being kept. He wouldn't let them do this to him, not again. He turned violently to his side, hitting something in the process. A cry could be heard and the clatter of metal startled him even more, he grunted and flung his legs to his side, trying to get up. It wasn't until he looked down, that he realized what he had hit was a woman. She was lying on the floor, scattered utensils and broken glass around her. Muffled grunts and slight whimpers left her mouth as she tried to get up. 

As Bucky knelt beside her realization hit. Everything clicked and he remembered at once where he was, and why. He was at Wakanda, he had gone under cryogenic freezing once more exactly because of this, because he was dangerous. He offered the girl his own hand, but she flinched away from him, a look of fright on her soft features.

"I-I'm sorry." Bucky tried once more to get close to her and help her up but by the time she was considering whether to accept his hand, Steve had made his way into the room and was right beside her in the blink of an eye. "Kiara, Bucky! What happened?!" Steve helped the girl -Kiara, apparently- to her feet and brushed off the shards of glass off her white coat. "It's okay, Steve. I might have not chosen the right moment to wake him up." Said the girl trying to smile but stopped mid-action when she felt a slight shot of pain in the corner of her brow.

“You cut your brow. Come here, Kiara. I’ll help you clean that. And Bucky, I’ll be right back, just stay right here.” Steve put a hand on Kiara’s back and led her outside the room. Great then, Bucky. That’s a nice way to wake up. He grunted once more and stood right next to the bed. He waited for Steve to come back as he had said, he looked up at the beige ceiling and waited with his eyes closed. He opened them again and took in his surroundings, this time his eyes had already adjusted to the brightly lit place. He was in a sort of bedroom, just with some slight adjustments. There was a heart rate monitor on the right side of the bed and another machine that Bucky didn’t know what it did. With his right -and only hand- he brushed his fingers over the now black screen. Apparently he had turned it off accidentally on his little outburst.

“That’s an Eeg machine.” Bucky turned around startled by the voice of the girl that woke him up. She smiled at him and moved towards him, coming to a stop when she was almost next to him in front of the machine.

“A what?” Bucky asked with a quirked eyebrow. He couldn’t help but feel an eerie ambiance around the object. It was so alike the ones the Memory Suppressing Machine was made of.

“It’s an electroencephalography machine.” Kiara said as a matter of fact. When Bucky just looked at her dumbfounded she couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Come again in English, please.” Bucky stared at Kiara, still a little overwhelmed by the mouthful she had just pronounced. It was then, when he was intently looking at her that he saw in detail the cut in her brow. Someone, probably Steve, had patched it up but that didn’t stop Bucky’s stomach from giving a slight lurch.

“In more mundane words, I guess, it reads the activity in your brain with these.” She picked up a white metal disk; he knew what those were. He had had them on his temples more times that he could count.

“Where’s Steve?” Bucky asked taking his eyes off the electrodes and looking back up at her.

 “He got caught up talking to King T’Challa. I told him I’d come to your aid instead.” Kiara said as she pushed a series of buttons turning the machine on and off again. Bucky scowled after hearing this. “Oh no, it’s nothing about you they are talking about.” Kiara said as if she had read Bucky’s mind.

“I’m sorry I hit you, I-I” Bucky tried to apologize but was cut off by Kiara, her hand resting the matter importance with a wave. “It’s really okay, I understand. I probably should’ve been a little more cautious.”

Bucky nodded and looked down to his feet, his right hand scratching the nape of his neck in a slightly embarrassed way. Kiara couldn’t help but let her eyes travel to where his metal arm should’ve been. Steve had helped her catch up on everything that had happened the last few days. How Bucky and the Captain had had a gruesome fight against Tony Stark, and how Bucky lost his arm in it.

“Who are you?” Bucky’s eyes fell on her once again, studying her carefully. His eyes travelling from her own, down to her button nose and delicate lips. He couldn’t help his eyes scanning her from head to toe. Taking in the perfect curves of her small petite figure. He knew he was probably being rude, but there was something about this girl, something mysterious that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“I’m Dr. Kiara Martin.” She said in a docile tone, she offered her hand for him to shake, a soft smile on her nude lips.

Bucky hesitantly took her hand in his and shook it rapidly, running his hand through his hair right afterwards. “Why are you here Dr. Martin?” Bucky kept on with the questioning, still unsure as to why this woman had decided it was a good idea to wake him up again.

“Well, I’m friends with Steve. And he thought I could be the right person to help you.” Kiara said as a matter of fact with a quick shrug.

“And why would he think that?” Bucky asked.

“Well, I’m a psychiatrist and-“ Kiara started but was cut off by Bucky’s snort.

“So basically, a shrink for the mad man.” Bucky scoffed a strand of hair out of his face while internally –and a little bit externally, as well- rolling his eyes. “So typical of Stevie. Thinking he can fix me up with therapy sessions Monday to Thursday from five to seven. That’s funny, doll.”

Kiara was taken aback by the bluntness of Bucky’s words. She couldn’t help but feel insulted, she was doing Steve a favor and this was what she was getting in return? A rude guy that not only checks her out shamelessly but also looks down on her entire profession and confuses her for a simple psychologist. What a dick.

“Well, Mr. Barnes. Sorry to be such a disappointment to you. We’ll take you back to the freezer as soon as you’re ready and me and my medical research can happily go back to New York where they are appreciated.” Kiara turned her back on the man, her soft curls falling on her back as she made her way to the bedroom door. Walking out on him she could almost hear him think whether or not to stop her. But as she shut the door, she got her answer.

 

* * *

 

 

“Kiara, please. Stay!” the Cap begged her, her hand between his own soft ones. A little bit way too soft for someone who was 95 years old.

“I don’t know, Steve. Mr. Barnes doesn’t seem pretty eager to cooperate.” Kiara frowned and let her hand slip from the grip Steve had it in. “There’s really not a point in having me, tearing apart my brain to find a way to solve this mind control thing, when he is not willing.” Kiara paced around what she called ‘the living room’ room. Which was basically where everyone hung out. Wanda and Clinton were sitting at one of the couches and were trying not to be too obvious about listening to their conversation.

“But I mean, Kiara… It might take some time for Bucky to trust someone knew. And I don’t blame him for having trust issues honestly.” Steve sat on the arm rest of the sofa right next to Wanda who just looked up at her with her big eyes.

“And I don’t blame him either, it’s understandable. But Steve, I tell you this not only as a psychiatrist or a geneticist. I tell you this as a friend and as a person with common sense. Even if I tear heaven and hell apart to find a way to cure him, it won’t happen unless we work together and he learns to trust me. And it goes the same way around, I’ll need to be able to trust him as well.”

Kiara said and looked down at her feet. Her hands had made their way to her hips somewhere in the middle of her little speech. Truly, she was a little surprised about how much could Bucky upset her when they had only talked for a few minutes. But something about that man made her want to punch him but also made her want to know every single secret he held within him.

Steve only stared at her, taking in her words. He simply shook his head and turned to look at Wanda and Clint as if asking for an opinion.

“I mean, she’s right man.” Clint shrugged. “There’s no way she can do a two-man job all by herself.”

“She thinks you should talk to him.” Wanda said her accent thick as ever, her eyes plastered on Kiara.

Kiara’s cheek flushed when she heard this, especially since she had been thinking exactly that but was debating whether it would be a good idea to ask Steve to do it. She thought funny that she was usually the one to say comments like this, psychiatrist and all that. “Hey, I’m usually the one who reads minds.” Kiara sneered when she saw Wanda look down embarrassed. “But she’s right. I think that.”

Steve looked away, he knew he had to. He wanted to be impartial in the situation. He couldn’t side with Kiara or Bucky. So he’d stay at the middle and do his best for this to work out. “Fine, then. I’ll talk to him.”

 

* * *

 

“Buck, buddy? Are you up?” Bucky opened his eyes, he had been resting on his bed, his hand fidgeting with the hemline of his shirt.

“Yeah, I’m up.” Steve opened the door a smidge, letting in the sunshine that leaked from the windows on the hallway leading to the bedrooms.

“Dude, we need to talk.” Said Steve on a solemn tone. Bucky raised an eyebrow and snickered.

“Are you going to break up with me, Stevie?” Bucky faked a broken heart and put his hand on his chest.

“Punk.” Steve simply said with a smile on his face. He shook his head, erasing any trace of the smile within seconds and instead putting on a serious face. “I’m here to talk about Kiara.”

“The shrink? What about her?” Bucky had sit up and his hand was resting above his knee.

“Well, she’s here to help us. You.” Steve said. “And she didn’t feel really welcome when she talked to you earlier.”

Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes. “Steve, I meant what I said. Therapy isn’t going to magically undo whatever Hydra messed up in my brain.”

“But that’s the thing. She’s not only a psychiatrist, she’s also a geneticist. Which you might’ve known if you had given her the chance to tell you.” Steve put a hand on Bucky’s left shoulder. Which felt odd to say the least, to both parties. Bucky just looked up to Steve, a scowl on his face.

“Steve, I-I…I just don’t know. It just doesn’t seem like a good idea. You know I don’t trust people easily, at least not now. Not since I’ve become him.” Bucky looked down and Steve knew he meant the Winter Soldier.

“I don’t believe talking about my feelings and about how sorry I feel for all that I did will erase whatever they did in here.” He said pointing to his temple, his face in a pained expression. His eyes were welling up with tears. He felt so powerless, useless and dangerous.

Steve quietly stared at Bucky, careful not to interrupt him.

“Sometimes I, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. There’s just this big gaps missing. I don’t remember my first kiss, or the last for that matter. I don’t remember what my mom looked like, not anymore Steve. And I might not remember again, not ever.” Bucky could feel a knot forming on his throat but he just swallowed it away.

“I look back at what I did being the Winter Soldier, because…” he snorted and shook his head. “Funnily enough, I remember everything. So vividly, Steve. Things I swore I’d never do, things that will haunt me in nightmares for the rest of my days. And I don’t know if I’m worthy of redemption.” Bucky sighed downcast, a lone tear travelling his cheek, which he cleaned up quickly.

Steve tried to find the words to comfort his friend. He desperately looked around and let out a breath he didn’t realize he has holding. “Buck. How will you find out if you don’t let yourself? You need to understand, that wasn’t you. It was Hydra and everything they did. And maybe, Kiara might be the one who helps us solve this. Just give her a chance.”

Bucky sighed for the umpteenth time that day and he nodded. A movement so small, Steve was unsure for a moment he had moved at all.


	3. Therapy Session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has accepted to give Kiara a chance. They start to work their way towards a cure and maybe, just maybe, becoming more comfortable around the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if anyone has any trouble imagining the place they are, I'm thinking on some sort of twin to the Avengers HQ. Since there's not that much to go on with.

Tossing around bed for hours, making a mess out of the bedspread. Almost falling off the bed more than once, sweeping her phone from her nightstand; just to remember she didn’t have reception in the middle of the jungle.

Kiara sat up and sighed. She wasn’t going to get sleep any time soon, so she thought better to go and get some water and maybe getting up would help her head clear up a little.

Steve and Kiara had talked earlier that night, apparently James was going to give this thing a chance, whatever that was. Kiara still had to figure out how to approach the situation and how she was going to find a cure for Barnes, if there was any.

Her mind had been on that all night, and it was mostly what was keeping her up, that and the fact that she felt just ever so slightly guilty about the way she had handled -or more like didn’t handle- things when she first spoke to James.

Temper outbursts weren’t really like her. She was a really patient person, but not anymore. She had changed so much; she didn’t like the way she was anymore. And it kept her awake at night, thinking and re-thinking what was so wrong with her. And even though she knew, she didn’t like to admit it.

She slipped her feet into a pair of socks, not bothering to search for her slippers; and shrugged on her night robe making her way silently out of her bedroom towards the kitchen. She had to roam around several hallways and a set of stairs before she found herself in the kitchen, although not alone.

In front of the fridge and resting his arm on the countertop was James Barnes. Kiara’s stomach gave a lurch and she thought about retrieving to her bedroom but it was too late since the former Winter Soldier had already noticed her and looked up at her, his eyes wide to see her there so late at night.

“Having trouble sleeping?” He asked her as he finished his glass of water and put it on the sink.

Kiara sighed and nodded her head, making her way to the fridge taking out a jug of cold water and pouring some in a glass of her own. “Lately I just seem to be unable to get shut-eye.”

Bucky snorted and a smile crept over his face. “I know that feeling all too well.”

Kiara drank some water and shot a quick glance towards him over the rim of her glass.

“Mr. Barnes.” Bucky turned his head when he heard Kiara call his name. “I-I’m sorry about earlier today; I guess that little outburst wasn’t really professional on my part so…” Her voice just faded out as she looked down to her socked feet.

Bucky was taken aback by her apology. He seriously didn’t see it coming, and wasn’t actually expecting such a thing from her. He had been a dick to her after all. “It’s okay, I’m sorry as well. I guess we both said things we shouldn’t have.”

Kiara raised her head and looked directly into his blue eyes, they seemed troubled. And she guessed they were. They stayed like that for a few seconds, staring into each other’s eyes. Sky blue meeting chocolate brown. Kiara was the one to finally look away, a small blush creeping into her cheeks. She took her glass of water and walked out of the kitchen and towards the stairs.

“I want us to start working tomorrow. If that’s okay with you, Mr. Barnes.” Kiara turned slightly at the foot of the stairs, waiting for Bucky’s reply. He simply nodded and Kiara bid him goodnight before heading to her bedroom and finally being able to get some sleep after all.

 

* * *

 

Kiara took a set of keys with her as she walked along the corridors towards the room King T’Challa had lent her. She felt like Bucky and her needed a private space, somewhere where they wouldn’t be bothered by anyone else, and the King had been really nice to offer her his office, which was located in the third floor.

As she was reaching the end of one of the corridors, she turned around and abruptly bumped into none other than Bucky. “Oh my God.” Kiara felt Bucky’s arm on her waist, holding her strongly so she wouldn’t fall on her behind.

“I’m sorry.” Kiara stood straight and slightly squirmed off the soldier’s hold. Her cheeks felt hot and she brushed her hair off her face.

Bucky looked down at her. “It’s okay. I’m kind of lost here, I thought you said the office was that way.” He said pointing behind Kiara’s back.

“It’s this way, Mr. Barnes.” She said walking towards the right direction and stopping in the middle of the next corridor to a frosted glass door.

Kiara waited for a moment for Bucky to catch up with her. As she felt him stand right behind her she searched in her pocket for the keys, opening the door to a fancy-looking room.

There was a mahogany desk right in the middle, with a high chair behind it and a set of arm chairs in front of it. The whole wall behind the desk was covered in glass, which let in a huge amount of light and offered a beautiful view of the jungle. Kiara stepped inside, letting the door open for Bucky to enter as well.

In the left side of the room was a small set of sofas. Kiara walked right to it and started doing some arrangements to the scenery. She moved the loveseat so it faced the armchair and she sat herself on the armchair.

Bucky simply looked at her from afar. Not really comfortable with whatever they were doing. As Kiara sat down she looked over her shoulder and gestured for him to join her. He walked towards her and sat himself in the loveseat, his hand fidgeting with the hemline of his black shirt.

“Well, Mr. Barnes. I’m going to explain to you how we are going to figure your problem out.” Kiara put her hands above her knees, her palms feeling the material of her navy jeans.

“So basically, we need to rule out everything that could’ve been messed up in your head. We need to target the part of your brain that was tampered with.” Kiara said in a pragmatic way.

Bucky intently looked at her. It seemed like a good way to approach this Hydra mess.

“So…” Kiara stirred in her seat and sat a little closer to the edge of the seat, her face a little closer to Bucky’s. “We need to talk about everything you remember.”

Bucky stiffened and scratched the nape of his neck with his right hand. “Everything?”

“Yes.” Kiara answered and nodded her head. “We need to start narrowing the options so we know for sure there’s something we can do.”

Bucky sighed and ran his hand through his hair, searching for words on how to start talking about such gruesome memories.

Bucky opened his mouth and closed it again, unable to out any words. Kiara bit her lip, feeling bad for James, knowing how hard it was for him to talk about it.

Seeing how he was getting nowhere, Kiara stood up from her seat and kneeled in front of him. Bucky eyed her suspiciously and stood still, his breath caught up in his throat.

“W-What are you doing?” Bucky asked as Kiara’s fingers slowly made her way towards his forehead.

“I’m looking for surgery scars.” Kiara said nonchalantly, as if she did that every day.

Bucky scowled at her touch, her cool fingertips sending chills down his spine. “Why?”

“Well, I don’t wanna pressure you too much into talking about something so traumatic.” Kiara’s fingers travelled from the line of his hair to his temples, she felt a small tingling sensation on the tips of her fingers, and she tried real hard to ignore it.

“So you are going to touch my face until I feel obligated to talk? Because it might not take you long, you know.” Bucky said as if wanting Kiara off him as soon as possible, but his body was saying otherwise as his shoulders relaxed and he let out the breath he had been holding.

Kiara chuckled and shook her head, her fingers searching for any healed wounds or protuberances that could blow the whistle about any procedures Hydra might have done. “As I said, surgery scars. There might be something inside here that turns you into the Winter Soldier.”

Kiara had been so focused on touching her way around Bucky’s skull she never realized how close they actually were until she felt his breath on her neck. She felt her cheeks blushing, and tried to breathe deeply so the flush would go away.

Bucky noticed her reddened cheeks and smiled to himself.

“So, no scars in your forehead or temples which means there were no invasive procedures to your frontal lobe.” Kiara stated and sighed inwardly, ‘that rules out some options.’ She thought.

“What’s the frontal lobe?” Bucky asked, his eyes closing, feeling slightly more comfortable with Kiara’s touch.

“Well, it pretty much does all the reasoning, planning, parts of speech, movement, emotions, and problem solving.” Bucky held back a chuckle as she seemed to have recited that straight out of a med book.

“How can you be so sure they didn’t mess something of that up?” Bucky inquired and Kiara simply shook her head. “I can’t. That’s the problem.”

“It would be much easier if we could do an MRI of your brain. I would be able to see if there was any kind of device in here.” She lightly poked his temple.

“What’s an MR-“ Bucky started to ask but was cut off by Kiara. “An image of your brain. It’s a pretty standard procedure, but given the current circumstances we can’t take you to a hospital, we’d end up in jail.”

Kiara’s fingertips felt the smoothness of his dark hair and his scalp, smiling inwardly she kept running her fingers on the sides of his head, until she came across a tiny bump above his left ear. She looked up at him in askance, a quirked eyebrow.

“You remember having this before Hydra took hold of you?” Kiara asked deeply interested. Her hand tried to move his long hair away in order to try and get a glance at the scar, not being really successful at it.

Bucky closed his eyes trying to remember whether if that had been on his head since childhood or if it was Hydra’s work. He shook his head when his mind came up blank. “I don’t know, Martin.”

Kiara stood up again, leaving Bucky’s head alone. The moment Bucky stopped feeling her fingers on him, he realized just how much he had been longing for human contact.

Kiara started pacing around the room, deep in thought. Bucky just eyed her curiously, his head resting on his hand. “I’m taking a bet on saying that I believe Hydra is the one responsible for that scar. But I’m gonna need more in order for me to be sure of that.”

“But how? You said you can’t get an image of my brain.” Bucky said stirring in his seat. “How are you going to know for sure?”

Kiara stopped and put her hands on her hips. “We could always take a trip down memory lane. The behavior of your memories could help me pinpoint exactly what part of your brain is misbehaving.”

Bucky stiffened and looked down. Kiara knew how hard this must be for him, but it was absolutely necessary to know for sure before deciding on what to do next. “Look, we don’t need to talk right now. We’ll go as slow as you need. We already made some progress.” Kiara smiled softly at him and put her hand above his, both of them feeling better after having skin-on-skin contact again.

Bucky looked up at her and their eyes locked once more, Bucky was sure he had met someone different the day before. She seemed so much more relaxed and he kind of liked this Kiara more than the one who walked out on him.

Kiara opened her mouth as if to say something but was interrupted when she heard a knock on the door. She turned around, her brows furrowed. She quickly made way to open the door to find three people in front of her, of which she only knew two.


	4. The Doctor Brings a Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiara and Bucky find out who's the mysterious third man accompanying Steve and T'Challa. He has something for Bucky, something he's not pleased about. New acquaintances are made and decisions as well. There's no way to stop anxiety seeping into one of them and maybe Kiara and Bucky will realise they are not so different as they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a little longer to be uploaded. I had such a busy week and a little bit of writer's block. But here it is nonetheless.  
> By the way, I did a little bit of comic book research and found out there's an actual Royal Palace of Wakanda, so I'm using that as instead of the 'Avengers HQ' thingy. The palace would be in the middle of the jungle and everything else would remain the same. Without further ado, enjoy the chapter! x.

“Dr. Martin, Mr. Barnes.” T’Challa acknowledged them both with a nod of his head. Kiara stood aside to let them in.

“King T’Challa, are you in need of your office? We can leave.” Kiara said as she eyed Steve who had stepped inside the office, followed by a pale man she had never seen before.

“No, nothing like that. Mr. Rogers and I are here to introduce you to your new teammate.” T’Challa’s dark hand rested above the man’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Kiara, Bucky. This is Dr. Imari Dreschner. He’s the best neurosurgeon in Wakanda and a family friend of T’Challa’s.” Steve said, his hands resting inside his pockets.

Bucky rose from his seat and walked towards them. “Isn’t Dreschner a German surname?” Bucky asked tense, his shoulders strained. Kiara felt Bucky go rigid and she laid a hand on his forearm, her eyes on his, asking him to calm down without words.

“It is.” The doctor finally spoke, revealing an accent so alike T’Challa’s. “I know you don’t like German people, but lemme assure, that neither do I.” He smiled, his oddly straight teeth flashing.

“My grandmother was a single one, she was from Wakanda, as is all my family. She volunteered as a nurse for World War II, where she met my grandfather. Long story short, she got knocked up, he didn’t take the responsibility and she came back to Wakanda. But she still registered my father with his surname.”

Kiara felt Bucky relax just a little beneath her hand. So her eyes turned to the doctor. He was a rather tall man, slightly taller than Bucky but shorter than Steve. His green eyes were piercing and his hard-looking features gave him an odd countenance.

“Well, enough about me. I’m here for you Mr. Barnes.” Doctor Dreschner turned to look at T’Challa, a smirk on his face. “Should you tell him or should I?”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asked, stiffness still lingering on his deep voice.

 All three men looked towards Kiara and Bucky, both of whom were having internal struggles trying to figure out whatever business they had in mind.

“Well, remember the day you were woken up?” Steve was the first to talk, his hands leaving his pockets and placing themselves on his sides gingerly.

Bucky scowled a little at this, remembering the uncomfortable situation. “Yeah, I do. What about it?”

Kiara then remembered. After Steve had patched up her little cut, King T’Challa approached him and asked for a word with him, she didn’t mind the matter that much at the moment. But apparently it was more important than she had thought.

“When I didn’t come back to your room was because T’Challa and I had been discussing the possibility of getting you a new arm.” Steve said cautiously, not sure how his friend would react.

“It would be an improved one. We are talking vibranium here, Mr. Barnes. We may not be Stark Industries but we have a few tricks up on our sleeves when it comes to technology.” King T’Challa broke in right after Steve was done talking. He had a sort of proud grin on his face, pearly whites showing off.

Bucky could feel his jaw set. Where they being serious? What could possibly be the point in making him a weapon again? Just so he would look more pleasing to the eye? Like having a metal arm before helped a lot with the brainwashed soldier aesthetic.

Kiara glanced at Bucky from the corner of her eye. She could guess what he must have been thinking. Bring back the metal arm and you bring all that burden with it.

She wasn’t the only one to notice Bucky’s discomfort at the offer. Steve gave Bucky and understanding look. “It’s okay if you don’t want to right now.” Steve said sneaking quick glances to T’Challa and the doctor.

T’Challa still had that subtle self-sufficiency look on his face, one Kiara couldn’t help but ignore. As for Doctor Dreschner, he simply stood there quietly, not sure whether it would be a good idea to push the subject. So he just listened intently to the conversation before speaking.

“We arranged everything for the procedure, which shouldn’t be awfully difficult. Your Majesty and I have been working with a team of qualified engineers, whose confidentiality has been see to.” Imari Dreschner gave Bucky a reassuring smile while he balanced himself in the balls of his feet.

Kiara couldn’t help but step into the conversation. “How did you manage such thing? I mean several governments are looking for him. It’s not like he can just barge into a hospital.”

T’Challa simply shrugged. “You’ve been here a short amount of time. The palace might hold more secrets than you can think of.” 

“But how come everything is ready? Shouldn’t you have asked Bucky whether he’d like such a thing?” Kiara asked to the doctor in particular.

The doctor was slightly taken aback by the young woman. “What do you think we are here for? We are asking Mr. Barnes’ opinion.”

“As a last step, that is.” Said Kiara scornfully.

Bucky simply couldn’t stand being in the middle of such debate. He didn’t even bother saying a word to anyone, he just simply stormed off the room. Heading to nowhere in particular, just wanting to get out of there.

“What is the matter with him?” T’Challa asked with his heavy accent. His hands resting on the waistband of his black pants and his stare directly onto Steve. The latter sighed and ran a hand through his hair, biting his lower lip in the process. Steve looked at the door, hesitant whether to go after his friend or let him cool his head first.

Before Steve could make a choice, Kiara had already made up her mind. “If you could excuse me, gentlemen.” Kiara bid them goodbye and left the room at a quick pace, leaving a threesome of confused men behind.

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky roamed the endless corridors of the palace, not even bothering to shot a glance towards the young witch when they crossed paths near the living room. Wanda frowned a little when she saw him walk by, she could feel him deeply upset and agitated. Soon before long, Wanda caught a glimpse of a certain curly-haired woman, searching for something.

“You are searching for the soldier.” Said the Scarlet Witch; she was now seated at one of the stools near the makeshift bar Sam and Clint had set up.

Kiara turned her head towards Wanda, she smiled feebly trying to be nice. “Yes, happened to see him?”

Wanda nodded towards a set of glass doors on her left. “He’s gone that way. To the gardens I suppose.”

 Kiara thanked her and went the way she had pointed. She slid the glass door and was met by a soft breeze, she took a deep breath and started looking for Bucky. Her favorite part about the palace was the gardens; they were full of trees and the most exotic flowers she had ever seen in her life. Such colors and aromas that could render anyone speechless. If Kiara was to describe her happy place, certainly it would look like the palace gardens.

It didn’t take her long to spot Bucky. He was sitting at one of the stone benches near the main fountain. The soothing sound of the water helping him calm down.

Kiara sat down beside him, careful not to disturb him. “Are you okay?”

Bucky didn’t answer.

But his silence spoke so many words, and Kiara knew. And Kiara was listening, listening to that full of sorrow silence. Kiara couldn’t believe how alike were Steve and Bucky, both of them were incredibly hard on themselves. Steve and Bucky needed desperately to learn how to forgive themselves.

“You need to start forgiving yourself.” Kiara said gently, her voice as soft as silk. Soothing as the water running down the fountain. Bucky’s shoulders seemed to relax unconsciously.

“You might as well teach me how, because it sounds easier than it probably is.” Bucky’s voice was nearly a whisper, a raspy one. All of him was tense, and Kiara wanted nothing more than for him to calm down.

Bucky started shaking his head, his hand running through his hair. “Why? Why would they want to turn me into a weapon again?” He finally looked at her, his eyes pleading for answers.

Kiara bit her lip, hesitant to explain. Not quite finding the right words. “I don’t see it like that, I really don’t. I think they’re thinking ahead. What if the last remnants of Hydra start looking for you? That they somehow find their way to you once more?” Kiara said apprehensively.

“Would you make their job easier? For them to capture you again? We haven’t figured out how to stop the mind control. They could turn you into the Winter Soldier with the blink of an eye. Would you really let yourself go through that again?” Kiara scowled at Bucky, not being able to imagine someone going through all of it more than once.

Bucky simply stared at her, his eyes locked on her intense brown ones. Had he thought of it like this? Short answer was no. She was right, and it surprised him he hadn’t seen it from that perspective. Steve was just trying to protect him once again. How times had changed. That he was now the one in need of protection, instead of being the one protecting that scrawny lad Steve was a long time ago.

“Do you really think I should accept?” Bucky asked quietly, eyes downcast. His face hidden with his long chocolate hair.

Kiara didn’t feel like answering. She wasn’t sure leading him on a certain decision was ethical at all, and saying her opinion would do just that. Making Bucky see the situation through her eyes was something different, the choice still needed to be his.

“I’ll support you whatever you choose. I just wanted you to see there were no hidden motives or anything of the sort. This is just Steve wanting to help you.” Kiara’s eyes stared at the hard set of his profile, the strained line of his jaw beneath the curtain of hair. And she had to restrain herself from tucking it behind his ear.

Kiara was snapped out of her thoughts when Bucky looked up at her, his hard countenance dissolving into softer lines, his frame relaxing. “How do you do it?” He asked with a small frown, one you’d see so frequently upon the face of a curious child.

“How do I do what?” She said, a brow quirked.

Bucky raked a hand through his tousled dark hair. “Manage to say the right words.”

 

* * *

 

Kiara paced, side to side. Fingers fidgeting with the hemline of her light pink blouse. The chilly breeze seeping through the windows sending shivers down her spine, making the hairs of her neck stand on end.

Eight hours since Bucky had gone under surgery. _Eight._ Kiara was going slightly insane with such a prolonged wait. Clint had come twice to check on her, asking if she’d needed anything or wanted something to eat since she hadn’t left the place not even once.

She was waiting outside a room in the middle of a hallway Kiara had never seen before, T’Challa was right when he said the palace was full of secrets. Needless to say, she could fit fifteen times her apartment in there. Even more. Walking into the room and anyone could’ve mistake it for an OR. Kiara shook her head. She couldn’t even phantom how T’Challa managed to pull those kind of things off without drawing attention to him.

Kiara had been so insistent when she said she wanted to be in the surgery. She was a doctor after all and she had assisted surgeries before, a lot of them. But Dr. Dreschner hadn’t been resilient about it. He claimed that he had already put a team together, and that he’d be having the assistance of the engineers that had created the arm.

Begrudgingly Kiara accepted to wait outside instead, alongside Steve. He had gone to fetch her a cup of tea; to help calm her nerves a little bit. She wanted to be there for Bucky, especially since he had only gone under really strong local anesthesia and was completely conscious for the procedure. It had been her orders; she and Dr. Dreschner agreed that putting Bucky under general anesthesia, making him go unconscious could bring him back into Winter Soldier mode. And that was a risk neither of them were willing to take. So Bucky had been lying there, on the operation table, with his eyes staring at the ceiling for eight hours _straight_.

Kiara kept on pacing and her mind couldn’t help but wander aimlessly on her subconscious. Kiara felt like she had heard an ambulance. Her head snapped around. but was met with the empty hallway. Frowning she bit her lip and continued to pace in circles. Next thing, she heard a voice screaming, wailing. She turned around rapidly, her curtain of hair swooshing after her.

Again, nothing was there. She sat on one of the couches and covered her face with her hands, resting her head on the arm rest. She must’ve been really tired and was now hearing things due to the lack of sleep. Yes, that must’ve been it.

Kiara closed her eyes, and within seconds she could feel herself drifting off. Not wanting to but being unable to stop it.

_Walking around, striding from one end of the corridor to another, her face patched up all over. A cut in her brow, a scratch on her temple. Dry blood across her hair line, a path of bruises down the left side of her body. Kiara’s eyes are filled with tears, and her hands are shaking. All of her is._

_Twelve hours she’s been in the waiting room, her fiancée under surgery. His lung collapsed due to three broken ribs. Internal bleeding on the abdominal region and more broken bones that she could count._

_“David, please. Don’t leave me, don’t do this.” Kiara sobs, her hand covering her mouth so she doesn’t scream. Kiara keeps on shaking, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet._

_A nurse approaches her reluctantly, her face brooding. Kiara waits expectantly for the nurse to speak, when no words leave her mouth she decides to ask the question she doesn’t want to know the answer to._

_“D-Did he m-make it?” Kiara’s voice is raspy, due to all the crying. When the nurse simply shakes her head, her world collapses; and so does she. Her knees grow weak and she can’t hold herself anymore. She breaks and next thing she’s in the floor, howling for his name. Tears streaming down her blood-stained cheeks. Cries, wails and sobs are incontrollable just like her._

 “Kiara, wake up!” Kiara’s eyes shot open, and she found Steve in front of her. His face worried and his hands on her shoulders. Her face was wet with tears and her whole body was quivering. Turning her face around she couldn’t pinpoint where she was anymore.

“Where’s David? Steve, is he okay?!” Kiara asked, still disoriented. Still living her nightmare.

“K-Kiara what are you talking about?” Steve helped her up from the couch, trying hard to hold her shuddering body.

“Steve! I need to see him, he’s badly injured!” Kiara started crying once again, her hands shaking trying to hold Steve’s jacket. “P-Please, take me to him!” Her chocolate eyes pleaded, and her lower lip trembled.

Steve put both of his hands on either sides of her face. “Kiara, David is dead. He’s been for a long while know.” Kiara shook her head. More tears flooding her eyes, refusing to believe his words.

“You’re in Wakanda, with me. You’re helping me treat Bucky and he’s on surgery right now. He’s getting his arm replaced and you were waiting and you fell asleep, you had a nightmare. You’re okay. You’re okay.” Steve repeated as he hugged Kiara when she let his words sink in, understanding what had happened. She rested her face on his chest, crying once again because of a simple memory. One that tormented her enough.

One that had come back to haunt her.

Maybe she and Bucky weren’t so different after all.


	5. First Name Basis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The operation was successful and Kiara volunteered to take care of Bucky while he's asleep. But he is in no peaceful sleep; the nightmares haunt him too. Bucky has his arm again and it can't help but bring back some memories he wished he could bury forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter 5! Sorry for the delay but I'm graduating high-school so this weeks have been just awful. This one is a little bit shorter than usual but I'll make it up to you later. Hope you enjoy it!

“Dr. Martin.” Kiara lifted her head from Steve’s chest. His shirt was now stained with her tears, and so were her cheeks. She quickly cleaned her face with her palms and turned around to see Dr. Dreschner standing in the hallway.

“Yes? Is everything okay?” Kiara’s voice was hoarse, she tried clearing her throat and ran a hand through her curls.

Dr. Dreschner smiled at the question, a prideful glow on his face. “We are done. The procedure was successful.”

Kiara felt Steve sigh and relax beside her, he was more than glad everything was fine. He couldn’t fathom how things would’ve been for him if anything had gone wrong.

“He’s been taken to a room in the first floor, we don’t want him going up and down stairs, at least not yet. He will need to rest, after all he spent eight hours awake while we changed his arm. That could leave anyone exhausted for weeks.” Imari Dreschner took a bottle of pills from his white coat and gave them to Kiara.

“This is diamorphine. And as you know Ms. Martin, they are very strong painkillers. So I want you to give them to him only when absolutely necessary.” Kiara nodded absentmindedly, she was still a little off. Her hands were still shaking slightly, and her breathing was coming to a normal pace again.

“Is he awake now?” Steve asked. Dr. Dreschner shook his head and took of his glasses. Which apparently he used in surgery, since neither Kiara or Steve had seen him use them before.

“There’s some things I need to discuss with you about the vibranium arm, Captain Rogers. But I need to keep an eye on Mr. Barnes, so maybe later.” The doctor said.

“I can do it.” The words left Kiara’s mouth before she could stop them. She wasn’t sure James would be eager to have her there with him, but the idea of going back to sleep anytime soon was just dreadful.

Dreschner shrugged and smiled. “I don’t see why not, you’re more than capable. Mr. Rogers, if you follow me. Ms. Martin, the room is down the hallway besides the kitchen, the third door to the left.”

Kiara nodded and shot a glance at Steve, she thanked him silently for earlier and left the two men alone with their business.

 

* * *

 

 

_Red all over. Blood. Fire. Screams begging for mercy. But he won’t comply. He has one mission, and one mission only. Get rid of the Hydra threat as well as his family._

_He’s taken care of it. The gun is dangling from his fingertips, a second later it is on the floor. The heat is almost too much for him to take; he’s set the house on fire. No evidence is to be left behind._

_The man who owned this place was a potential threat, but no more. Roaming around the house he can still hear them yelling in pain. He hears a particularly high yelp, and there’s sobbing. He turns his head around, and there, beneath the bed, is a little girl._

_Her face is stained with cinder, blood and tears. “Please, help me! Where’s mommy?... Mommy!” She cries over and over, but he doesn’t listen. He’s done here, his mission has been accomplished and he is now to leave. Leaving the little girl behind to die._

 

Kiara was by Bucky’s side the moment he started thrashing around. His face was scrunched up in pain and his forehead was burning with fever. “Mr. Barnes… Wake up.” Kiara said firmly. If he kept on moving, he could end up seriously injured.

“James, please…” When Kiara’s voice just went unheard she placed both her hands on his face. She got closer to him and whispered softly. “Bucky… it’s just a nightmare. You’re okay, I’m here.”

At the mention of his name, Bucky seemed to relax. He stopped panting and his lashes fluttered open. His eyes were brimming with tears and his lips were getting chapped.

“W-What happened?” He shifted his weight slightly trying to sit up on the bed, but a blinding pain on his left shoulder stopped him and he let out a grunt.

“Goddammit!” Bucky growled. He looked at Kiara while she helped him sit up, all careful hands and swift motions.

“Are you alright? You shouldn’t be moving at all.” Kiara stood close to him, close enough for him to notice her swollen eyes. Bucky scowled and asked. “Were you crying?” His voice soft and drowsy.

Kiara swallowed hard and ran a couple of fingers beneath her eyes, erasing any trace of tears that might’ve been left. “O-Oh no, i-it’s just… I haven’t slept in a while.” Kiara said quickly.

“How are you feeling? You slept quite a while.” Kiara asked trying to change the subject.

Bucky took his eyes of her ignoring the question. “You called me Bucky.” He pointed out, his eyes scanning her once more.

Kiara felt a slight blush creep on her cheeks. “Oh, yes. It’s just, you weren’t waking up and I-I… If you prefer I call you James it’s perfectly fine by me.” Kiara stuttered and rambled while running a hand through her hair.

She stopped when she thought she saw a small smile on Bucky’s face. “It’s okay. I prefer Bucky.” He looked at her, trying to read her face; but she was expressionless.

Bucky still felt drained out of energy from the surgery. It had been hard for him, to lie down on that operation table and bring back so many memories. Things he had tried so hard to forget, but that just kept coming back to him. He’d never admit it out loud, but he would’ve liked to have Kiara there. Someone friendly among the unknown faces working on him.

“Are you in a lot of pain?” Kiara snapped Bucky out of his thoughts with her question. He shook his head.

“I guess there’s still some anesthesia lingering on your system.” Kiara took one of the bottles of pills the doctor had prepared for him. She took a blue pill and gave it to him along with a glass of water. Bucky eyed the pill suspiciously; when Kiara smiled to him and said it was only a painkiller he took it and swallowed it without complain.

“So, how are you feeling?” Kiara put the glass of water and the pills on his bedside table.

“I thought you had already asked me that question.” Bucky looked at her confused.

Kiara shook her head. “I’m not talking physically. You had a nightmare, didn’t you?”

Bucky sighed and nodded. “I keep having the same one lately. It’s more like a memory being played on a loop.” Bucky swallowed hard trying to get rid of the knot on his throat.

Kiara sat on the bed beside him, careful not to hurt him. “You want to talk about it?”

Bucky looked up, trying to out the words to describe it. “It’s from a mission, the memory I mean. Late 90’s, Washington D.C. I had the mission to kill one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s agents who had the misfortune to know too much. But not only him, his family as well. I was ordered to burn the house down, destroy any evidence he might have of Hydra having infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. He had a wife and a daughter, no more than 4 years old. And I killed her. She begged me for help and I didn’t listen… I didn’t”

His voice was raspy from holding in the tears. He didn’t want to look at Kiara, his eyes were on his hands, silver and flesh one.

Kiara was silent for a moment; she knew the things he did. But she also knew he wasn’t to blame for them. When Bucky finally looked up at her he had expected to see disgust, disappointment or even fright. But her face was calm and understanding. And it filled him with a sudden peace not to be judged.

It even seemed as if she knew how he felt, because when she laid a hand on top of his and smiled. He felt a warmness on his insides, it felt so odd and foreign that for a moment he wanted to get rid of it; but decided against it.

“I remember my mom once said nightmares are what define us. Not our dreams or fantasies, but nightmares. They are the very thing that haunt us, the things we regret or are afraid of. It shows me that you have mercy in you, that you are a human after all. Those nightmares remind us of how much humanity we have in ourselves. So, the fact that these memories have been turned to nightmares, is a good thing. You are sorry for what you did Bucky, and that’s the first step towards redemption.” Kiara smiled once more, this time it was genuine.

She looked down at her hand on top of his. His soft skin beneath her soothed her beyond words. She felt a prickling sensation when he turned his hand and squeezed hers lightly.

“Thank you, Kiara.” She looked up when she heard him say her first name. It sounded so sweet; the way it rolled of his tongue was so smooth. And it was like she was hearing her name for the first time.

“There’s nothing to thank yet.” Kiara said and stood up. “I’m gonna call Dr. Dreschner so he can have a look at you. I’ll be back in a minute, Bucky.”

She turned for the door and exited his room with a warm sensation on her stomach and a grin on her face.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Lemme know whether you'd like for me to keep posting this story or just crawl in a hole and die for being a horrible writer. Anyways, all comments and kudos are highly appreciated!


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